Once Upon a Time We Were Different People
by Hoseki-sama
Summary: A collection of One Piece Alternate Universe stories ranging in size from drabbles to oneshots. Inspired by Aoihand's Great Multiverse Challenge.
1. Only a Game

The Strawhats looked across the roomball court to where their foes, in white and blue, were beginning warmups.

"I don't like it," Nami, the team's stealer, objected, polishing her regulation two-foot stick to a mirror shine. "Combining the leagues like this."

"It's really the only thing that makes sense, though, right?" pointed out Usopp, lacing his steel-toed boots. "I mean, we already had that one team, the Warlords, that played both leagues."

"No, my dearest and most beautiful flower is right," said Sanji as he adjusted the binding on his hands. "The World Government league and the Pirate league played by different rules. Which is to say, the World Government played by rules. And now they expect us to accommodate them and play together? Bullshit."

Luffy bounced over and gave his temporary afro a deliberate adjustment. "No worries, guys!" their team captain and interceptor said enthusiastically. "We're strong enough to beat them with or without rules!"

"I know I'm feeling SUPER enough this week to take on the entire World Government!" agreed Franky the basher loudly. He did not need to don his roomball gear, as he had permanently attached it to his body years ago. "Anyway, why are we fighting the Marine Recruits? Didn't we already beat Cipher Pol Nine and move up a tier?"

"The World Government doesn't use the tier system," Robin, the disrupter, informed him. "Neither do we, any more. And would you _like_ to be facing the Admirals?"

"At least there's only three of them!" Chopper, their defense point, said squeakily. He was hiding ineffectively, as per his pre-game custom, behind the solid rubber three-foot diameter eponymous roomball, this one emblazoned with the Strawhat mark. "How many Marine Recruits are there?"

"Approximately one million," said Robin seriously. "That's why we're playing on a larger-than-usual court. The rest are outside as alternates."

Zoro spoke up, and with a scoff said, "One or one million makes no difference. I only need my sticks." Most players used one stick, and some used two sticks; Zoro used three, which everyone agreed was very manly, if impractical.

Sanji sneered. "Doesn't matter if you have your sticks, I still kick your ass at goal-scoring."

Zoro leapt to his feet. "Oh yeah? Well, let's see who scores more goals today, asshole!"

"Shithead!"

"Stupid eyebrow!"

The team left their goalers to their fight; it seemed to make them happy.

"Anyway, how're you doing?" Usopp the spotter asked, directing the question to their newest player, the skeletal dasher Brook. "Are you clear on how things've changed since you played for the Rumbars?"

"Oh, my, I hope so," said Brook. "My duties, at least, seem more or less the same."

"You've definitely made the right choice in joining us!" said Nami energetically, eyes gleaming. "Just think: you appeal to the Classic Roomball generation. We've got amazing opportunities with merchandizing now—"

The whistle blew, and the court fell silent. The Strawhats gathered together, and Luffy lead the cheer:

"We're gonna be the Roomball Kings!"


	2. I Dream Therefore I Am

Luffy walked through the streets, whistling cheerfully and tripping over the hem of his toga every few steps. A rude shout stopped him.

"You there! Boy!"

Luffy turned to see a gang of youths staring him down in what they probably thought was a menacing fashion. "Yo," he greeted casually.

"Our teacher says your teacher is a crippled pauper."

Luffy considered the epithet. "What does he mean by that?"

"Huh?"

"Well, Shanks is missing an arm, but he can do everything he wants pretty well without it," explained Luffy reasonably. "And he doesn't have any money, but he doesn't beg or anything like that."

The head youth, lean and wearing his hair cut eccentrically, laughed. "So you admit it's true! What loyalty!"

"Why, who's your teacher?" Luffy picked his nose unconcernedly.

"Buggy the Sophist, of course. We're all his students. The education we receive is the best in all Thebes! Where's your teacher, worm?"

"Oh, Shanks sent me away to study independently. I'll come back when I'm a powerful philosopher!"

The head youth gasped. "You don't mean—"

"I'm going to becomes the Philosopher King!"

"That's impossible!" spluttered one of the less important youths. "You'd have to conquer all Attica with your philosophy! You're just some upstart brat with delusions of grandeur."

The would-be Philosopher King shrugged. "Well, maybe. But it'll definitely be an adventure!" And with that he brushed past them.

When he was well away, Luffy sat down by a public fountain to think. He would need a study group to become Philosopher King; ten people should do. On their trip they would debate many strong philosophers and be hunted by wicked orator-politicians who wished to see them dead.

But no matter what happened, they would be happily living life on their own terms. That's what philosophy was about.


	3. Information Professionals

The East Blue Public Library was on fire, and it wasn't Sanji's fault this time. Nami, Chopper, Usopp, and Brook hastened to extinguish the blaze as the rest of the library team split up to find the arsonists and bring them to justice.

Zoro cornered them in the reference section. "You two again," he growled. "I should have guessed."

The man known as 'Smoker' spat contemptuously on the floor. "Pah! Places like these are for limp-wristed grandparents who can't go on with the times!" His accomplice, Tashigi, nodded in agreement.

Zoro rolled his eyes. "The library is a perfectly modern institution! And you checked out half a dozen books yesterday on vigilante justice—are you a 'limp-wristed grandparent?' "

Smoker started badly. "Y-you know about that?"

"Of course," Robin said from behind Zoro. "Incidentally, Miss Tashigi, the book you took out on katana is overdue. You currently owe fifty cents; the charge will increase if you continue to keep the book."

Spluttering in protest, Tashigi said something about losing it, but Smoker had no patience for library games. From under his jacket he withdrew the business end of a flamethrower. "Enough chatter! You know what I want. Lead me to Ponegraphs. I'll destroy the forbidden history!"

"You're threatening us?" Zoro asked incredulously, but Robin was white with rage.

"You most certainly will not destroy the Ponegraphs!" she snapped. "After the retrieval team risked so much to collect them?"

Zoro put a hand on her arm. "Enough. Let's waste these illiterates."

Robin nodded. "Cien Fleur," she said, causing fifty arms and fifty mouths to sprout from the shelves around them. Each hand placed its index finger on a mouth.

Zoro held up the first three fingers of his right hand against his lips.

Simultaneously, they unleashed the Ultimate Library Attack.

"SHHHHHHHHH!"


	4. Heroes from Venus

"Rubber-Rubber Power Up!" recited Luffyko. Instantly her skin began to glow white, she rose up into the air, and her clothes began to warp around her transforming form.

Zora and Sanjina, having already undergone their own transformations, waited impatiently. "Hurry up!" the former shouted at Luffyko, whose hair was in the middle of changing styles. "The dastardly Croc-Man will destroy the city if we don't get there in time!"

"Quiet!" Chopper, their reindeer mentor, urged. "If you disrupted Luffyko in the middle of her Rubber-Rubber Power Up, she'd be half rubber and half flesh! She might die!"

"Yeah, shut up, Zora," Sanjina agreed, examining her lipstick in a mirror. "I'm impatient too, but you don't see me telling Luffyko to hurry up the Power Up. Besides, Franki's already there."

"Done, guys!" Luffyko said as she drifted back to the ground. Her long, silky black hair was tightly pinned against her head into elaborate patterns of braids, and she was now wearing her version of the magical costume of the Strawhat Girls: a red sleeveless shirt, a short blue skirt, and cute flip-flops. Zora and Sanjina were wearing similar outfits in their own color schemes: Zora's paired a white shirt with an emerald skirt and included a soft cloth belt, while Sanjina favored a cerulean shirt and black skirt accompanied by a thin black tie.

"Hurry!" Chopper urged again. Chopper often urged to the Strawhat Girls to do things. "Croc-Man is in the park!"

"Right!" Luffyko picked up Chopper with one hand as Zora and Sanjina wrapped their arms around her waist. "Let's go! Rubber-Rubber... Rocket!" She stretched her free hand out to a nearby church spire and catapulted toward the park.

[Meanwhile, at the park]

Franki ducked behind a tree, panting. Whenever she tried to use Mecha-Mecha Punch or Mecha-Mecha Shoot, the blasted Croc-Man just dissolved into sand and laughed creepily at her.

Ugh! So not super!

Franki wished, not for the first time, that she could change the clashing-yet-super Hawaiian prints of her outfit to help her blend in. Croc-Man was saying something, laughing at her as he stalked through the trees like a menacing reptile.

She heard the rattling dry sound as Croc-Man absorbed the moisture of another tree and it withered to dust. _Where_ was her backup?_ Where_ were Luffyko and Zora and Sanjina? It was times like this Franki missed having her own team, the Franki Family, to help her on missions. Then again, the Franki Family had been an evil team devoted to the deconstruction of buildings and sometimes literature. Whatever.

There was a sudden warmth at Franki's side. Stifling a surprised yelp, the blue-haired girl looked over to see... "Ann!"

Luffyko's big sister winked. She too was a magical girl, but she was on the White Princess team. Their leader, White Princess, was the most powerful magical girl to live since the Magical Queen, Regina. "Having a little trouble?" she asked. Franki nodded.

Ann stepped from behind the tree. "Croc-Man! Eat this! Flame-Flame Blast!"

Later, visitors to the park came to enjoy the new glass statue.

[Elsewhere]

"Zora! You said this was the right way!"

"How should I have known?"

"Chopper! Where are we?"

"My best guess is... the moon."

They all stared at the (deadly serious) Chopper and then up at the black sky, and around at the deserted moonscape. "Huh," said Luffyko noncommittally. "Zora, you really are an idiot."

"Me?" shrilled Zora. "You're the one who actually got us here! Somehow!"

Hearing a sound, they all turned as one. Before them loomed a tall, bare-chested man.

"Enel," growled Luffyko. "My old enemy."


	5. Save or Separate

"Kuma's paw swipes through the air one final time. 'We will not be seeing one another again,' he says. 'Farewell.' That's a... hit, so, yeah. You're all hurtling towards your destinations, which are known only to that mysterious Warlord of the Sea!"

Roger sat back and beamed at his players, who stared at him blankly.

"Did you seriously just do that?" Zoro said blankly.

"You just fucking split the party!" Usopp shrieked, as if mortally offended. "That never works! I have never ever ever played a game where splitting the party worked even a _little_."

Robin silently collected her dice and character sheet.

"What was with all the super-high-level guys, Roger?" whined Tony. "I mean, we've fought powerful enemies before, but a _light_ Logia, indestructible robots, and a Warlord with an undodgable autokill move? Not to mention that tight-lipped guy, whatshisface."

Roger looked put out. "You punched out a world noble. Was I supposed to throw away all my warnings? Did you think an Admiral and his posse would be easy to defeat?"

"Now, everyone," Brook interjected anxiously. "I'm sure Roger has a good idea what we can do next session, even with the crew split."

They all looked expectantly (except the few who looked skeptically) at Roger, save Luffy, who was staring at his character sheet. No one paid him any mind for the moment; it was just Luffy.

"Well..." Roger grinned like a shark. "I wanted to do a big Luffy-centric storyline. Heavy roleplaying, very advanced combat. There'll be a ton of important NPCs, so I was thinking each of you could get one or two to play temporarily during it."

"Luffy-centric..." Franky said quietly. They all looked at the pale boy in question. "What do you think, little bro?"

"I think... I'm going to become the pirate king." Luffy voice was hoarse from shouting during the latter part of the session; several librarians had complained. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you, guys. We'll meet up later, right?"

"Hey, of course, no problem!" Sanji said with false joviality, clapping Luffy on his too-boney shoulder. "We're all fine, right?"

There was a long, awkward pause, as there always was after Luffy... well, did whatever it was Luffy had started doing since about when the crew fought Aokiji.

Roger cleared his throat meaningfully. "There are a few big events I've been planning for a long time. They'd be about five times easier if people ran NPCs instead of their mains." From his heap of notes, Roger pulled out two thin folders, one labeled 'Amazon Lily' and the other 'Impel Down.' "It'll be a bit of a stretch, just because they're already characterized, but it'll be a nice change of pace, right?"

From around the table came murmurs of assent and grudging approval. Luffy remained silent.

"Great!" said Roger brightly. "Now, there are a lot of recurring characters... but before we get to them, who wants to play a nice Amazon girl named Marguerite?"

After the session, when almost everyone had gone back to their dorms, Roger pulled Nami aside into an alcove.

"I've wanted to do this story since your brother handed me his background. But if you think he can't handle it, please tell me. What does the psychologist say?"

Nami shook her head. "Nothing. No one has any idea what's going on. But since we can't exactly stop Luffy from playing," When they tried that, after all, he had refused to eat or sleep and almost died, "the show must go on. And everyone will like RPing someone new, I know Hancock sounds like a real hoot—hang on. _You're_ worrying about Luffy." Her eyes narrowed. Roger had the good sense to look abashed. "What do you have planned?"

He told her.

At some point during the resulting row, Nami threw up her hands in defeat. "Fine! Fine! It's all in service of the story, I get it! The story so precious you couldn't have possibly cut it short when he started jumping off roofs because he thought he could inflate like a balloon! The story completely centered around the brave hero, actually a very sick boy who barely attends classes anymore!"

Roger's jaw was set. "There's more going on here than Luffy's little thing, Nami. You—"

"More than Luffy's 'little thing?' I should think so! There's also _your_ little thing, Roger." She jabbed a finger into his sternum for emphasis. "How much class have _you_ been attending lately? I see your notebooks. I see how much of this dumb shit you've already written out. Even if you go to class, you're clearly too busy figuring out exactly how Devil Fruits overcome natural laws to—"

He drew himself up. "Well, if you really think it's such 'dumb shit,' why are you still here, never mind your damn brother? Why'd you cry when Merry died? Why'd you spend so much time independently figuring out how to use the Clima Tact like a real weapon?"

They paused for a long time, staring each other down. Eventually Nami said in a low voice, "You can't."

"I still might not," admitted Roger, a little sheepishly. "I really am going to keep track of how long he takes to do things, and keep the timing honest. No railroads. But... the odds of complete success are very, very bad."

"Make them better," she urged. He shook his head. "At least tell me you can see why I think my brother's more important than the sanctity of the damn game."

"I can," Roger agreed readily. "But you're assuming he'll, I dunno, kill himself if he fails."

"I don't know what will happen, but I, unlike you, don't think it's safe to assume he has a self-preservation instinct anymore. At least not in the real world."

A thin voice drifted from the doorway. "One Piece is the real world." Roger and Nami looked up simultaneously to see Luffy, with filthy hair and hollow cheeks, swaying slightly in the doorway. "I've seen it."

"Oh, Luffy," Nami moaned, hurrying to his side to steady him. "What are you saying?" Roger just stared.

"I see it. When we play. I see what's happening. I see how it works, in my head. The colors are so bright..." He stared at Nami, sunken eyes wide. "You're beautiful there, you know. Your hair is so shiny."

Nami's gaze turned toward Roger. "You. You did this," she snarled through gritted teeth.

"I'm really sorry I couldn't save you back then. We'll have to get stronger to beat them next time. I want to be able to protect everyone. After all, you're my nakama." It was a Japanese word that apparently meant 'friend,' or something like it; Luffy had been majoring in Japanese before. Now, who knew.

"The sea is so blue..." his voice became soft and sing-song. "Except when it's white. That happened once, didn't it? But then we had to light the golden fire and go on adventuring." He jerked up, suddenly focusing on Roger. "I've tried to go there alone, at night, but it's not the same when I'm just dreaming. Like once, we were back where we met Chopper, only Franky was there and the bad king had a brother... it didn't make sense. It didn't work. I need you to help me go, I need you to say the words, I need you—" he sagged abruptly, but Nami had no trouble supporting his much-reduced weight.

"Can't die yet," he mumbled to himself distractedly. "Have to find One Piece first. Have to be free."

Roger's horror was abject. How long had this been going on, right under his nose at the gaming table? But then...

This wasn't the Luffy he saw when the game was in session. That Luffy had so much energy and enthusiasm and love that the whole group was inspired by his mere presence. That Luffy had been Roger's oldest and closest friend. That Luffy was gone somehow, and in his place, this thing, drooling and mumbling now as its sister tried to get it to sit down.

_I need you to say the words_, Luffy had said. Fine. If that was what it took, then Roger would comply. He took Luffy firmly by the shoulders and guided him down to a sitting position on the floor.

"You fly through the air for a full day, never pausing in your course," he said in a low voice.

"What are you _doing_," Nami said, too horrified to make the sentence into a question.

"The weather is calm. Sea Kings watch you pass overhead."

Luffy had gone rigid. One by one, he screamed the names of his crew. Shouted questions and curses

"Early on the morning of the next day, you land: with a thud, but more gently than you would have guessed. This island is thick with jungle. Your arrival has startled a wild boar big as an elephant."

It was almost like it had been in the beginning, Roger thought, when is had just been them and Zoro, the latter playing a dull character named Coby for a few sessions before he was done crafting his namesake persona. Luffy was always the ideal roleplayer, imaginative and adaptive; throughout this whole process, that was the only thing that hadn't changed about him.

Roger was part of the way through a description of Luffy's body's reaction to a particular mushroom when he realized the boy across from him had slumped back limply. Without pausing in his speech, Roger leaned forward to take the other boy's pulse at the carotid. Nothing.

Nami stared at them. Roger stopped talking. Luffy didn't move. Their triptych of still silence was broken by Nami, who sobbed quietly.

"He wasn't happy," Roger said softly. Not to defend, but explain. "He couldn't be happy after seeing what he did, even living it, and coming back here."

"So you killed him," Nami said, voice cracking

"He killed himself," Roger corrected. "I only forged the sword he put in his belly." He stood, surprisingly steadily.

They stared down at the body. "I hate you," Nami mumbled. It seemed a pitiful thing to say. She turned and left.

Roger looked blankly after her. "He wasn't happy," he explained to the thin air. "He couldn't have been."

_The game was canceled, of course. You couldn't have a story without the main character. Though Luffy had been most affected by One Piece, its loss influenced all of them profoundly. Zoro developed depression, and committed suicide a few years later in the middle of a kendo school for children. Usopp's art, formerly his passion, degraded until it was as crude as their 'captain's' had been in the game. Sanji took up smoking, which he hated, and Muay Thai, at which he excelled. Brook was, predictably, the best-off; he only shaved his head one drunken evening and never allowed the hair to grow back. Even Nami, seemingly overnight, became a real kleptomaniac, stealing from other students and stores habitually, but her fingers in real life were clumsy and slow; jail became a second home to her. The less said about Tony's sudden, regular offences against animals, the better. Franky's personal habits had already been heavily influenced by his over-the-top persona, so his changes were more gradual: a dye job there, a celebratory dance here, until the only difference was game-Franky's invulnerability, which real-Franky simply forgot he lacked. Robin went through undergrad and most of grad school apparently unmoved, until one day she abruptly fled to a remote part of Canada and was never seen again._

_Roger watched the descent of the people who had been his closest friends with a certain weariness that his family took for callousness. He attended Zoro's funeral, Sanji's matches, and Chopper's hearings, all with a notepad and pen in hand to make records of the proceedings._

_Eventually, under a pseudonym, he published a novel. Just one. It never sold very well._

_It was called _One Piece_, and it ended with the Strawhats' defeat at Shabaody._


End file.
